Sunday, September 27, 2020

MST3K: The 50 Foot Woman


Dr Clayton Forrester and sidekick Frank activated the comlink to their orbital lab. Their former handyman Joel was stranded there, required to watch cheezy films to see how long it would take him to wig out. But Joel had built some robot pals, and actually had fun dishing on the scifi of yesteryear. 

Forrester Greetings, Joel. This pre-Thanksgiving turkey is 1958's Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman. It stars Allison Hayes, who later played one of Sgt. Carter's girlfriends on Gomer Pyle. 

Joel That was on some episodes they filmed in Washington D.C.

Forrester Don't change the subject! So what turns Nancy Archer into a human Godzilla? It appears she was a boozer who had a nervous breakdown. Who's gonna believe she saw a UFO?--which is only a crappy glowing sphere in the first place. Her cheating husband wants to get her committed so he can take over a 50-million-dollar estate.

Crow How original.

Forrester Hey, she needs a reason to get mad, or no plot. That happens on the second UFO encounter, where her coward husband speeds away when a bald giant kidnaps her. A few goobers of note: Nancy's short dark hair is suddenly long and blonde as a giant. Just give us an explanation, already--we'll buy it! And when the bald guy picks up a car, it's a completely different one he throws.

Tom Servo Poor continuity--like on Andy Griffith where Barney Fife is trying to recall the sheriff's oath. He musses his hair in frustration. Next you see it, it's combed. Then mussed, then combed. What, is the guy psycho?

Forrester Will you guys stop changing the subject? I'll mention on last goober--the giant wrinkled balloon hand she uses to grab guys with. Now it's off to the theater for a dose of shlock! (Lights and sirens drive the boys out of the control room aboard the satellite.) 

Frank Ten to one you break him with this one.

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During the climactic scene, Nancy, impervious to bullets, falls victim to a shotgun that blows up a transformer. Clutching her dead husband in a giant hand, she's electrocuted. The boys groan in protest.

Joel No, no! What happened to the bald guy? Let him take her aboard his UFO!

Crow And then blow up the world.

The boys start chanting: Nancy, Nancy, Nancy!

Frank Well, I lost another bet. I'm starting to think Joel is cracked already.

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