Friday, July 10, 2020
Sheldon Cooper's Fun With Names
"Sheldon Cooper here, along with my talented assistant, Amy Farah Fowler. Tonight--and I'll get to that in a minute--we're going to examine caveats about naming your kids."
"Here's an example," Amy said. "If your last name is Moore, don't name your daughter Mona."
"Did you catch that?" Sheldon grinned. "It's quite a romanticized--"
"Yes, Sheldon, I think they can figure that out. Why don't we introduce our guest, who has an unusual name."
"Right, and she's the reason we're here at night, because she's a vampire." Sheldon rocked with glee, getting into the game. "She has a curious aversion to cameras, and prefers to sit over by the window. I must say, the way those curtains rustle in the moonlight creates quite a ghostly effect."
Amy took note of Sheldon's increasing infatuation. "Be careful, Sheldon. This woman is some kind of succubus."
"Really, Amy, that's a curious statement from one who holds a doctorate in biology."
"Biology is exactly what I'm worried about."
"Nonsense. Let's bring her into our discussion.She's known only as Cambris. Tell us something about the etymology."
"The last two letters," said the mystery woman, "are a legacy of Norse settlers who migrated to the Caucasus. It is not my legacy, as I am from Magyar and Slavic stock."
"May I say," Sheldon began, "it all came together in a most pleasing way."
Amy discreetly smacked his thigh. "Miss Cambris, I noticed how you applied lipstick without using a mirror."
"Now how could she use a mirror?" Sheldon grinned hugely.
Did nothing strike this woman as funny? "I am adept at applying cosmetic, which of needs is consumed by use of spell craft."
"Amazing!" Sheldon actually clapped. "She's brought a new angle to the genre! I'd also expound on what Amy said, seeing how your eyes are drained of color. Contact lenses, of course, but how do you explain that in your paradigm?"
"As I indicated," she said, "pigment is leached by magic. Their amber iridescence shall be restored when next I feed."
Sheldon slapped a knee in delight. "She has it all covered! I wouldn't be surprised if you can tell us the town where you became a creature of the night."
"The town of Split on the Adriatic, where I was wife to the village alderman."
The topic of names was now the topic of Cambris. Feeling the first tingle of dread, Amy brought out a small mirror where Sheldon wouldn't see it.
But Cambris did. Her upper lip curled to expose the roots of fangs.
"Amy?" Concerned, Sheldon gave her a little shake. "It's your turn to ask her a question."
"Oh. . . .okay. I'll ask her in person." Amy had been working in her purse, joining two pens with tape. She approached Cambris out of camera view and sprang her makeshift crucifix, which had positively no effect.
"It is powered by faith," Cambris said, rising. "Yours seems to be deficient." Soulless eyes locked hypnotically with Amy's.
"Really now, Amy!" Sheldon's intervention broke the spell. "We mustn't prevail on her to perform that old shtick." He came to offer a hand. "It's been a pleasure, Miss Cambris. Say--you're really cold. I'm--"
Amy drew him away in mid-sentence.
"Amy, that was rude! Wait--where'd she go?" Curtains wafted at the open window. "What a trouper, making a realistic exit that way! I just hope she doesn't fall from way up here."
"Somehow," Amy said, swallowing her fear, "I doubt that will happen."